i'm just saying...

WARNING: THE FOLLOWING TEXT DESCRIBES THE DEATH OF A MARRIAGE...ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK!

2011-06-09T22:15:00.004-04:00

i can't begin to tell you when 'it' finally happened...if it was when he told me that i had always been a heavy burden and it was time for me to find work? or when he locked his computer. perhaps it was...no, never mind, some things just shouldn't be spoken aloud.

but sadly, the moment did come when the rope finally snapped...and much to my surprise, i was still alive! was my heart broken? yes. were my hopes and dreams finally dead? yes. but i was still breathing, still smiling, and the funny thing was that i could actually see the teeny tiniest glimpse that my life was going to be okay.

this transformation isn't because of something that i mustered on my own, oh no. i've been a born-again believer in Christ since the mid 80's and although i've been devout in my love and service for Him, it wasn't my faith that buoyed me. it was the love, prayers and support of a few close friends that were truly 'there'. they aren't angels, nor are they super heroes...they were simply 'there'...when my tears wouldn't come, and when they wouldn't stop...when there was nothing left to say...and when i couldn't stop talking...loving me even when i isolated myself for months at a time, not answering the door or the phone!

mehdi...your compassion, wisdom and empathy have changed my life forever.

sandy h...you may have wanted to tell me to tell me that you'd heard enough but you never did :)

doris...you and i should have taken out stock in coffee beans, having shared the best and worst of times over a hot cup of java.

deborah...who has been there for the long haul...the friend who should have given up on me but didn't...not ever.

kathleen...because you cared and always believed i would heal.

sandy m...who has been privy to seeing for herself just how ugly my life has been...but never said 'i told you so'.

brian, who might only have met me through my blog but he's made me felt as though we've been friends for years!

and now i'll finish with these words so eloquently spoken by franklin roosevelt..."When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on."

here goes :)

just figured something out today...

2011-05-06T17:55:00.000-04:00

i saw myself clearly in a way that i never had before...

and i began to see why my life has been out of balance and full of pain...
just like a wheel, if i don't keep Jesus in the very center of my life i'm apt to allow someone else to be there...and that someone doesn't treat me very well. God forgive me and help to carry on...

2010-12-23T00:32:00.004-05:00

if you came here looking for post that is full of fa-la-la-la-la then i'll warn you now to just pass this blog over because i'm going to be sharing my heart about depression. not the seasonal kind because the weather is gloomy...or because you don't have enough money to buy the Christmas you wanted...but the clinical kind of depression that is a constant in your life.

i'm not a stranger to depression...in the beginning the horrid ball and chain entered my life as occasional sadness that lasted only a few days, appearing to be 'typical' for a teenage girl. then slowly but surely this insidious foe became an awkward friend, and deceptively began to infiltrate my heart, soul, and mind...becoming me, and i was unable to see myself any other way except depressed. it was as if i were trapped inside of a wet paper bag but unable to break through it, no matter how hard i tried.

but this isn't about me...it's about me being a friend to someone who suffers from depression. you'd think having been through it myself that i would have some better grasp on how to behave but i have to admit to you that i'm baffled and angry at my behavior. i want to be respectful of his need to be alone but on the other hand i find myself unwilling to sit by and do nothing. i totally understand that he doesn't want to try and explain the pain to me yet i find myself somehow cornering him with my concerns and then feeling as if i'm forcing him to give information he can't/won't share...and then worried that he'll just put as much distance between himself and i as he can...to protect himself from me.

i've never been in this place before, loving someone who was being engulfed in darkness. i'm willing to fight for them but instead i feel helpless as they battle this foe on their own, in their own way.

so i find myself sitting on the sidelines, but not by my choice...vowing to myself that i'll not be idle while i'm there. if anything, my own battles with depression have caused me to be a warrior, quietly slicing through his darkness with the faith i've been given through Christ Jesus. perhaps i can't reach into his abyss...but i know One who can! i remember, oh so well, that i was (over and over!) isolated in a death trap...yet He was there...quiet and powerful, nurturing and strengthening me all the while. it's these experiences that have proven to me that we can't go anywhere that He's not there, loving us back to life, fighting unseen forces that threaten to overtake us. i find i must rely on this same love for my dearest friend...

so am i worried? yes, because we are such fragile creatures! but my confidence is not in what i can or cannot do but truly in the One who has the power to set captives free...even when the prison is unseen, within our own minds...

thanksgiving 2010 comes to a close...

2010-11-25T22:52:00.000-05:00

...i've been silly and elusive the past few posts and have begun to realize that even if i went into all the details of how a wonderful friend came into my life, you might never believe me!! so instead, i'll share a little of this present moment with you...

every one's gone home, the dishes are done and i just mopped the kitchen floor- just so i could walk barefoot on it in the morning without being grossed out ;)
today was an incredible thanksgiving...the table laden with all the traditional foods that tasted even better than last years feast because i had a lot of extra hands in the kitchen!! and after a two hour dinner we lingered around the table, drinking coffee and eating much more than anyone has a right to :) they were all there, the family i love so much...my daughter, her four kids and mehdi...the newest addition to my heart and family! he is the treasure of a friend that i've been so elusive about...wondering how i could rightly present him to all of you :)??
just a few short months ago he had his new visa and passport in hand, leaving the country of iran in his rear view mirror. we had been talking on blogger for some time about what he would do when he came to the states and although i didn't quite understand why, i asked him to seriously consider coming to kentucky where i live. did it make sense, no. he was living in the los angeles area where public transportation and opportunity abound but his heart felt the same tug as mine did and he left california and headed for the bluegrass!
it's been three weeks since he's been here and i find that i'm still pinching myself to see if its truly possible that he's here!! his presence has opened my heart and mind to the awesomeness of God in a way that i've never experienced...realizing that He's on the lookout for any of us to be available for the extraordinary to happen!
and so, we celebrated his first thanksgiving today. i, of course, was hoping that the family would be somewhat spiritual and we could all share, one by one, what we are grateful for...yeah, right! with a 15 year old drama queen, 12 year old twin boys, and a seven year old who won't stay out of the black olives, we are a motley crew, to say the least, but the love and laughter couldn't have been more real as we celebrated another chance to be together. i kept glancing at mehdi (who i was sure would get up and run away as fast as he could) to see if he'd had enough but the contentment on his face told me everything i needed to know...he was home.

imagine, if you will (my sunday 160 offering)

2010-11-21T16:09:00.001-05:00

a life of religious restriction, a land torn apart by war, sanctions that make everyday life so unbearable, and any flicker of hope being smothered by sorrow...

the rest of the story...

2010-11-14T21:45:00.000-05:00

...imagine if you will that i'm sitting at my computer and reading through the comments that were left at my latest post...all of them touching my heart in one way or another. then i come across one that has been deleted and suddenly, i'm intrigued! i follow back to their blog and read the post...sad and kind of hopeless...and i leave a comment that isn't mean (although i am known for my 'ornry-ness') and i say something a little sarcastic but kind, about not removing my comment...and then i continue on my merry way, enjoying the world of blog.
the next day i receive a very polite comment from my formerly-considered-rude visitor and he is apologizing. okay...so, maybe i'll peek into his world every once in a while, just to see what's going on, eh? i have to admit that i'm drawn to people who are struggling...those who wonder if there is any way out of the hell they find themselves in, whether the pain is self inflicted or not...because i know pain so intimately myself.
well, the more i read through his stuff, the more i wondered 'why'...had he been recently dumped by a lover...was he living with an alcoholic...did his marriage end? after a few months my curiousity got the best of me and i asked him if i could email him rather than leave comments that may be too personal, for all the world to read? i could have never imagined what i was going to find out!

and to everyone who left a comment...thank you!!! you can't imagine how good it feels to be thought about, even after all these months :)

my sunday 160 offering...

2010-11-14T00:44:00.002-05:00

who, but my fellow bloggers would ever believe this but i swear that it's the truth..i met this wonderful fella online and my life will never be the same again!

my sunday 160 offering...

2010-09-12T14:23:00.001-04:00

in spite of the nasty rumors circulating round, i am alive and doing well on a deserted island.
no phone,
no appointments,
no worries except sand in my shorts!!

(if only! i've actually spent a lot of time getting back into routine and sharing in the exciting journey of a blogger friend who has come to live in the united states! mehdi, welcome home :)

WELCOME HOME, COMBAT TROOPS!!!!

2010-08-20T08:20:00.000-04:00

i thank God for your safe return and pray that the transition back into your 'norm' is a smooth one...we have missed you so much! i join the rest of this country in saying THANK YOU for every sacrifice you've made, both here and on foreign soil...

my wordless wednesday, way past 9pm offering ;)

2010-08-18T21:13:00.000-04:00

my sunday 160 offering...

2010-08-15T09:40:00.002-04:00

ivyleagueinsecurities.com

it's hard to find me nowadays...
it's a rarity to play the sunday 160,
friday fiction 55,
or a magpie.
alas, my blogging joys are found in my wordless wednesday!

still searching for the time to blog...husband back at work (praise God!), housekeeping chores to be done and four grandkids full time! but i'm still here :)
join me and a million others as we link up with monkeyman every sunday...head over to his place to see how it's done :)

my friday 55 offering...

2010-08-13T22:11:00.001-04:00

it's time...

their built-in clocks sound the alarm,
seventeen years of slumber comes to a grinding halt.
with all the strength that can be mustered
they wriggle and struggle upward for a breath of fresh air
crawling to a place of safety where they will lose the bounds of earth,
this horrid creature now flies!

my wordless wednesday offering...two of them actually :)

2010-08-11T11:32:00.000-04:00

what to do?

2010-08-10T17:50:00.001-04:00

THIS NEW ROUTINE LEAVES NO TIME FOR BLOGGING AND I AM FRUSTRATED!!!!!!!

my sunday 160 offering...

2010-08-08T09:06:00.002-04:00

in spite of our fat-free culture,
i can smell the tantalizing aroma of
biscuits and sausage gravy,
   my senses wide awake!
    it's sunday morning,
     grab you a plate!

If you wish to take the challenge, here is a quick look at the rules.
The Sunday 160 only uses 160 characters (including spaces).
Keep on schedule - post Sunday.
Let our host monkeyman know you have posted via a comment on his site.
Visit at least one other Sunday 160.

my magpie offering...

2010-08-06T20:19:00.003-04:00

first morning light filters into the garden and i sit silently, watching my beautiful girl.

she was my first love, her hands gently caressing me as she showed me around the patio...her prized tropicana roses, the hanging baskets exploding with bougainvillea, and the tiny tim daffodils dwarfed in the shadows of their giant cousins. the colors of that private place were vivid with screaming reds, the purest of whites, and variances of green i never knew existed! we were constantly surrounded by euphoric scents that were intoxicating and lusty, as if we had enjoyed a glass too many of its finest wine. i loved being here with her, enjoying the summer mornings while listening to her soft humming. both of us adored this eden and i believed the days would never end!

but as time would have it i began to show my age, my skin turning a sickening green. this didn't seem to bother her at first because of the sentiment she felt towards me. but a day came when something unthinkable would happen, forever changing her mind about my value.

it was a beautiful july morn and she was concerned about dead heading her marigold patch, the spent blossoms causing the delightful plot to look unkept. as was our usual, she held me close to her bosom as she walked towards them and that's when i began to wet on her favorite shoes. the shame i felt was immeasurable but try as i might, i could not stop until i was completely drained- my beloved throwing me aside with disgust! i'll never forget that moment...she never even turned around to see the damage she caused me! years of companionship were wiped out because of my weakness...

it's been days since i've been close to her. i've been banished to sit on this wall, nearly out of her view. my princess hasn't changed her mind about loving that serene and precious place but now she waltzes around with another...someone she picked up at walmart. she still hums our favorite song but it's to the new can in her life...and i am alone.

these are the laments of a well worn watering can...

my friday 55 non-fiction ;)

2010-08-06T11:09:00.001-04:00

my very first friday off since hubby went back into the workforce...what to do? what to do?
a matinee perhaps,
or some window shopping?
yeah, right!
'right' after i finish balancing the checkbook,
do the laundry,
and change the bed....
right after i clean the bathroom and...aauugghh- i hear the trash men coming!!

my wordless wednesday offering...

2010-08-04T08:13:00.006-04:00

this stunning photo was shot by a blogger friend of mine, costea, and you can find more of his gorgeous work right 'here'...you'll be so glad you took the time to visit him!

my sunday 160 offering...

2010-07-31T23:15:00.003-04:00

                                            don't know what happened
                                              but i broke down,
                                                rolled my sleeves up,
                                                  and braved the outdoors-
                                                   weeding the garden
                                                      in front of my house
                                                       for the first time this
                                                        year!

my six word saturday offering...

2010-07-31T11:27:00.001-04:00

HUBBY STARTS A NEW JOB MONDAY!!!!!!

my wordless wednesday offering...

2010-07-28T12:13:00.001-04:00

my magpie offering...

2010-07-26T16:26:00.002-04:00

with just the nightlight glowing in our bedroom, i pull the sheet over your shoulder and squeeze you gently. your back is turned to me, as is your usual, and your snoring is anything but gentle!
my eyes look over your sleeping frame from my appointed position...feet from where you lay. if you've said it once, you've said it a million times, "stay on your own side, will you? you're always so friggin' hot!" and you're right. you're easily inches taller and pounds heavier than i am, but as i gaze at you, i realize you are nothing more than a broken little boy in a grown man's skin. i'm wishing i could rescue you from your pain but it wasn't me who inflicted it upon you, though i'm the one who pays the price for it by your distance.
i've conceded and moved as far away as i could...but you can't keep my heart from snuggling up to you as if we were still lovers.

lest we forget...

2010-07-26T12:58:00.002-04:00

On the day he would have turned 21, Radcliff resident Nathaniel Garvin's body was retrieved by his family at Dover Air Force Base after Garvin became the latest Kentucky soldier to die in Afghanistan. Pfc. Nathaniel D. Garvin, 20, a helicopter mechanic assigned to the 101st Airborne Division's Combat Aviation Brigade, died Monday of injuries sustained from a noncombat-related incident in Kandahar, Afghanistan, according to the Defense Department.

you're my hero, though i've never met you, nathaniel. i thank you for the sacrifice you made in support this wonderful country of ours. i pray that your family would sense the presence and peace of God, being bathed in a comfort they've never needed before this, until you said good bye. you, my friend, will not be forgotten!!

nathaniel was a native son, living not far from us...whether we agree about this war, or not, we can all agree to love and support those who serve.

my mono word monday offering...

2010-07-26T11:01:00.000-04:00


this says it all :)

what's on your mind?? head over to see otin to see what's up!

my 160 offering...

2010-07-25T12:15:00.001-04:00

the table set before me is laden with such delights!

sticky baklava

biting tzatziki

and steaming gyros!

crispy tiropites

and horta vrasta,

it's all greek to me!

too bad i'm just dreaming!

just an update on my headers photo...it's my six word saturday offering as well :)

2010-07-24T10:18:00.000-04:00

my good friend connie had asked if my header photo was a sunflower but i had no idea. i was simply intrigued with this little plant that was growing out of the brick and stone post that is right near my mailbox. thought you would enjoy the photos of what it looks like now...

"LIFE IS FULL OF AMAZING THINGS"...

my wordless wednesday offering...

2010-07-21T17:02:00.000-04:00

my snowmen ornament offerings...

2010-07-20T19:39:00.002-04:00

wonderful brian, (over at way station one) left a comment the other day, asking me if i'd display a few of my handmade snowmen on my blog. why, yes, i'd love to ;)
i find them delightful in so many ways and i could certainly use a bit of 'chill' on this really hot july day. i've been collecting them for about 15 years and started to think of a way i could incorporate an ornament to send along with my Christmas cards...a little something extra for all the wonderful people in my life :) just a few guidelines keep them similar in nature...they have to be flat, they have to stay within the measurements of this years card size, and they have to be lightweight since i don't have an extra arm and leg to give up for the postage. so, here they are..(you can click on each one if you want to see the detail but i warn you, you'll see my mistakes as well)!!

above, with the green checkered scarf was my first one...i sent a piece of wire with each one, explaining how to curl it around a pencil so that it could hang from the tree. it was too much for some of the older fam members so i nixed using curly wire from then on :)

this is one of my favorites, a mr. and missus sheri version :)

this one another that i made into a couple, the original having one arm bent with a letter addressed to the receiver, Christmas of 2000. has it been that long already???

and lastly, i found a photo of one i made for Christmas 1993... that was the year i got my cards out later than usual. hubby fainted and i couldn't get him up off of the floor since he was wedged in pretty tight! he had fainted earlier in the evening but told me not to worry about it, saying that his side was hurting him something awful though. this time i called ems and within 30 minutes he was being whisked off to the hospital. turns out that he had a bleeding ulcer and the emergency team said that he would have bled out had we waited another 12 hours to get him in! the pain in his side? when he had fainted in the bathroom the first time, he had fallen onto the edge of the tub, fracturing several ribs :(
'twas a slow recovery but he doesn't eat aspirin like crazy anymore ;)
that's about it for now. as i was saying earlier, i have 'this years' materials to make another but i haven't done it for several years now since i've been watching the grands full time. maybe next year...
thanks for asking about them, brian ;)

well, well...what do we have here?

2010-07-18T22:34:00.002-04:00

my wonderful friend, carrie, gave me this award yesterday and i'm still shaking my head, wondering what in the world?? she thinks i'm a nice person...and i'm inspirational...guess that class on hypnotism paid off, eh? she has such a marvelous way of looking at this world and she might be surprised that she is the one who has given me loads of inspiration...and hope! thank you for thinking of me, carrie, you made my day :)
anyways, there are a few rules attached and they are as follows...sort of reminds me of winning the lottery and having to pay taxes on it!

1. Thank and link back to the person that gave you the award.

2. Share 7 things about your self.

3. Pass the award to 9 fellow bloggers that inspire you.

4. Let them know about the award. :-)

okay, hmmm, let's see what seven things i could share that i haven't spilled already...

1. i spent all day saturday trying to calm my daughter after she discovered that her kids had lice. yeah, welcome to my world ;) she has never had to deal with it in all her 15 years of parenting. after spending the day with her, i had to come back home, make dinner for hubby and then begin the delousing of my own house since her kids just happen to be my grands, and i am their care giver.

2. i have moved 30 times in my life, 19 of those have been since i've been married. is it any wonder that i throw such a temper tantrum when someone mentions moving??

3. i make chirping sounds like a cardinal and a baby bird. this neat trick baffled kids on my school bus and i think it set me up to be a prankster, of sorts ;)

4. i taught a sunday school class for several years, ages 3-5, i was the tall one in the bunch!

5. i am world famous for the snowmen i craft every year, more than 100 of the buggers every Christmas. i haven't done it for the past couple of years since i started watching my grands full time but i still have 'this years' materials...

6. i don't have a high school diploma. now you know why i never capitalize my proper nouns :)

7. and last but certainly not the least, i don't like animals, at all. oh, i'll be nice to yours if i'm visiting but my motto is that the best animals are found in the zoo.

and, for my next trick, i've chosen a few people to pass this prestigious award onto but i only chose four because i already feel like i'm pushing my luck with these wonderful hopefuls!! each one of them is delightful in their own unique ways, each one having a piece of my heart and admiration...

and they are, in no particular order:
crystalmary, a cheeky little gal from down under,
caty, a darling friend who has made some huge strides in her life of late,
missie, who has wisdom beyond her years,
and -c, who never fails to make me smile, besides, she owes me ;)

and, i am outta here! i've got to sneak over to their blogs and drop this bomb (i meant to say award) on them and get out before they catch me!

carrie, you truly are such a wonderful person and i'm so glad that we've become friends!!

june cleaver doesn't live here anymore...

2010-07-15T15:09:00.001-04:00

this morning my hubby made the comment to me, as his right arm swept across the living room, "somethings wrong with you...you used to keep this house immaculate." and he was correct BUT it came at a higher price than even he could have imagined.

when we were newly married i was already pregnant so our lives kicked into second gear rather quickly. he seemed content with me staying at home with our new son, brian. hubby joined the army several months later, finally settling into our lifestyle having moved away from our parents. our second child, michelle, was born a mere 27 months after that...i was 19 years old.

my mother had always worked and i'm almost embarrassed to say it now but i had spent many years crying, wishing she were home with the four of us. maybe because i was the oldest and was responsible for those hooligans? maybe i was sick of locking myself in the bathroom for hours while my next youngest sister sat on the other side of the door with a large knife, daring me to come out? maybe. anyways, it was always my dream to be at home with my own children, if i ever had any.

this arrangement worked well for hubby and i UNTIL the kids started school. he was ready for me to get out there and begin to bring the funds in so that we could acquire all the toys that life offers. and really, who doesn't want them?? he and i went round and round about it and i somehow convinced him that i would make a marked difference if i could remain a stay at home mom/homemaker, cutting back and pinching pennies where i could so we would be able to splurge a little.

yet nothing i did was enough. he was angry and he made my life unbearable, using his military rank against me as if i were a private. intimidation, disapproval, shame, guilt...whatever he could use to make sure i held my end of the bargain up. i drove myself into the ground making sure dinner was on the table at precisely 6pm. heavy uniforms were washed and heavy starched every day. children were to be seen and not heard. no incoming calls when he was home. and of course, as he stated earlier- the house was immaculate.

after years of trying to please him, and trying to be the perfect 'everything' in order to get his approval, i made a doctors appointment. she pooh poohed me as i opened up and told her that i had struggled with depression for years, was fearful, and i had anxiety that i couldn't talk myself out of no matter how i tried! i couldn't have agreed with her more that a better attitude and self esteem could change the way i had felt for years but i didn't know how to convey to her that i didn't have the oomph to make the effort! she put me on 25mg of zoloft and i left her office thankful. i know she didn't really 'hear' me but she came through anyway :)

oh my goodness!! to say that the zoloft changed my world from night to day would be the understatement of the century! my anxiety began to melt away and for the first time in my life it felt like the pieces of the puzzle were coming together, instead of being strewn all over the tabletop! i gained the ability to sit in one place for more than a few minutes. i've learned that my husband is not God nor is he my drill instructor, he is my husband. i learn to say no, i learned to say yes. i smiled again and it was from the inside out. i learned that i didn't have to be perfect to be loved.

and most of all, my Christianity 'clicked' into place- everything i had learned over the past 28 years fell into place and i was able to see Jesus in the light of who He really is, the lover of my soul. i began to learn how to 'be' and not 'do'. up until then i had always felt as if i was a pretender, just another religious person who knew the rules and regs of following after God, looking great on the outside...yet, always waiting for someone to get wise to me and tear my mask off! only thing was, that i wasn't pretending, i lacked the ability to take Him at His word and then apply it to my life.

having been on the zoloft for two years now, i looked back, directly into my husband's eyes as he made his statement this morning about something being wrong with me. i smiled at him sincerely and i said, "you're right,"...knowing how very wrong he really was but better yet, knowing that he knew he was wrong...priceless :)

i love burnt cheese...

2010-07-15T11:12:00.001-04:00

there, i've officially said it aloud. it's out in the open. my secret is no long hidden! it's something i've kept under wraps for so many years, fearing the condemnations of those who don't understand...what.its.like...to love burnt cheese. always tickled that someone passed a certain piece over because of it's obvious sunburn!

only thing was that my grands were starting to catch on. they love them but couldn't figure out why i insisted on making quesadillas every morning? if they only knew that i would sprinkle some of the shredded cheese directly onto the sizzling pan for the sole reason of burning it, right alongside the golden tortillas! never mind it had enough fat in it to clog even the strongest of arteries...i find it unbelievably delicious!!
so there, you have the ugly truth on me ;)

it is what it is...

2010-07-14T08:14:00.000-04:00

i've got some great news to share! hubby made a call to fort campbell the other day and told them he was no longer interested in the job. say what??? i might have never known it if i wouldn't have been in the same room! i asked him why he changed his mind? he said that his hiring process for tsa (airport security) is moving along quickly, the job site would only be 35 minutes away from home. he said that if we moved he would have to get into a six months lease and perhaps have to leave within the first month as the tsa job is more to his liking. that's it. end of struggle. done.
what i fail to forget is that i live with a difficult man and i am not difficult. there will always be sorrow and times when i won't understand at all what he's up to...BUT. God has always made a way of peace for me and i'm going to let this be a lesson learned. you'd think by now that i'd roll through each of these trials like it was nothing...yeah, right! until i do i'll just keep smiling and being my ornery self, hehe .

one other thing to share while i have you here ;) last week i was wound so tightly, every day really difficult to get through. my youngest grandson was riding to church with me and while waiting at a red light, my little car dies. dead kind of 'dies'. the light was still red when i called my hubby for help then proceeded to get out of the car and tried to push it around the corner and out of the way. the fella behind me got out and helped me, doing most of the work really, and his wife stayed behind us with their flashers going. once in the parking lot he said his goodbyes and another soldier walked up to me. he said he had some mechanical skills and wondered if i would let him take a look under the car hood. well, yeah!! once i lifted the hood i saw the very same thing he did...one of the battery cables was sitting on the top of the battery but it was NOT fastened on the post!! this 'oversight' had been committed by the service people who had 'fixed' my car when it broke down during our visit to fort campbell two weeks ago! the soldier told me it must have set close enough to the post to make the needed connection to run the car but something must have jarred it loose that day! he placed it back on the post and tightened it down, my thanks was overwhelming to this knight in camo! he actually told me that it had been a long time since he had been able to help anyone out and that it had done him a world of good to help...especially since he had been the one laying on his horn when i had held traffic up!!
he left and i sat there for a moment before starting to cry, and then bawl! my grandson was a little freaked but then i told him that i had just realized, for perhaps the millionth time, that God really does know me and He loves me still...and my little guy got it :)
after that ordeal i began to see clearly again, how easy it is to stray so far away from this truth that i've known for years, especially when it appears that i am at the mercy of someones hand, someone who doesn't always ask if every one involved is doing alright?

honestly, what would i do without all of you?? your support, your encouragement, your prayers? with all of my heart i offer you my thanks for 'being there'...

a real heavyweight...

2010-07-13T21:32:00.000-04:00

this was so cool!! i was sitting in my car, letting the engine warm up before i took off and i saw this bee. he was flying in erratic circles, obviously his equilibrium was a bit off because of the thick layer of pollen he was covered with...how kind of him to land near my windshield so that i could snap this shot :)

my friday 55 offering...

2010-07-09T11:54:00.001-04:00

my bare feet running outside at the first sound of the rain falling on my trailers metal roof!
mouth wide open
and arms spread wide
as i absorb every drop possible...
i am 9
and obviously loving every moment of this God given gift upon the earth...
perhaps forgetting it poured like this just yesterday?

today it is raining for the first time in almost three weeks!! it felt so good to stand outside for a few minutes and this memory came 'flooding' back to me of days when i lived in washington state...such a cool place to grow up!

the photo is courtesy of sweetgrace.typepad.com

proverbs 13:12...

2010-07-07T11:16:00.001-04:00

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life.

we aren't homeless. we have plenty to eat. i have air conditioning. i am healthy. the lights come on when i flip the switch. i am loved. as you read this you may think that i am being a silly, shallow person but i am not...i KNOW whose love is upon me and i am grateful for this extraordinary life God has given me.
but my husband still doesn't have a job, out of work since september 25th. my heart knows that so many others suffer because of unemployment and it grieves me to think that they are losing their possessions and their way of life...those precious comforts being swept away as if they meant nothing. my prayers go out to them, that they and their children would find safe harbor.
what i find to be the most difficult is that my husband vents all of his frustration, anger and disappointment towards me. all the nasty words, the unkind actions are somehow deserved, it somehow being my fault- how dare i keep upbeat when things are so desperate for him?
for months i have listened, respected him, encouraged him and prayed for him. i have been guilty of dragging my feet when it came to looking for work that required a move but i went with him, placing all my 'feelings' in my pocket once i realized they weren't being listened to.
i am simply weary...understanding his pain but still having to deal with the inappropriate way he has of getting through this. no amount of talking to him has changed the way he acts, he only grows increasingly upset and frustrated as each day goes by.
my tale seems such a personal tragedy but honestly, i am just one more in the line of peoples who are affected by joblessness. each of us finds our own way to cope with it...i find i'm very much like a turtle, tucking all that is vulnerable into his shell. it's not healthy but at least it's a place a peace!

just a little update on our trip last week...

2010-06-28T09:08:00.000-04:00

i'm sorry to say that it's not OVUH! my hopes were that he would get some great revelation while we were in the ft. campbell area, come to his senses, and return home...that didn't happen!
we opted to stay in clarkville, tennessee, which was just a few miles from the post. the country inn hubby chose was fabulous! only drawback was the new mattress was so hard that i couldn't sleep on it! at 3am i gave up trying to find a comfy spot and took myself and my 'to do' list downstairs, hoping to find coffee. they didn't have any until 6am so i spent the next few hours catching up on all the birthday cards and thank-you's that should have gone out months before :( honestly, i was grateful for the quiet...
later that morning we set out to look for a place, our personality's reminding me of laurel and hardy! i have the tendency to be anal while he is free wheeling, driving 25 miles one way and then the other in search for a place, while i find an area that i like the looks of and concentrate there. neither of us is exactly right but he always lets me know that he is :)
we did find a place but not the one he would have chosen. he had made the fatal mistake of saying that the apartment we chose wasn't a big deal to him since he didn't see himself being there a lot...that it was me who had to be happy with it! NOW WE'RE TALKING ;)
there was a 2 bedroom fourplex about a mile from fort campbell but better yet, a two minute walk to a super walmart!! i can't tell you how many times i have run out of milk and had to pay almost a dollar more for it because it had to be purchased at a quick mart inside of a gas station.
we rejoiced and settled in for the last night with the bed from 'stones are us', seeings how a change of rooms would have been fruitless...all the mattresses had been recently replaced. another sleepless night but at least we would be heading home the next morning and i would be sleeping in my own bed. or so i thought.
we were packed up and all set to go but the car wouldn't start, the battery completely dead. an hour later AAA shows up and spends nearly as long tinkering with it, telling my mechanic hubby that it was hooked up incorrectly, whilst dropping much needed parts into the engine interior. eventually he said we would need a tow, another hours wait. i watched as my faithful steed was pulled up onto the flat bed of the tow truck and remembered at the last moment that everything we needed was in the car! down comes the truck's bed and we are left standing in the parking lot while the driver takes my car to parts unknown.
knowing i couldn't sleep at the country inn another night we then carried our stuff to a nearby hampton inn where they graciously allowed us to sit in their lobby and keep cool while waiting to hear if the garage could fix our car that day. the desk clerk was fantastic, offering freshly baked cookies and coffee while we waited, even making the tv and computer available if we wanted to use them! needless to say when we received a call from the garage several hours later that said the car would be ready in the morning, we were tickled to check in!!
the next morning we took a taxi the 8 miles to the tune of $20, no surprise to me. at the garage the mechanic explained what had happened to the car...seems a brake light switch was broken, causing the brake lights to stay on...which drained the battery...which somehow shorted out the alternator. $400 later we drove it off of the lot but because hubby had opted to fix the brake switch himself, we drove straight home with the brake lights blaring, disconnecting the battery when we were in our driveway or it would have drained the battery again!
all in all the mission was accomplished. we arrived home safely, we found a place and now we wait for the last phase of the process- his physical.
i'm not doing so hot with the prospect of leaving but the exercise from submitting my will is getting a great workout!

my sunday 160 offering...

2010-06-27T12:16:00.001-04:00

no rest for the weary!
no sooner than i have my suitcases unpacked
i've got my son and grands coming up
from south carolina for their yearly visit
over the 4th!

we always have such a great time but before they get here monday night there is always so much work to do! going to try and prepare as much food as i can ahead of time, clean the tub and change some beds...hope i'm awake enough to enjoy their visit ;)

my friday 55 offering...

2010-06-25T17:09:00.003-04:00

a simple woman,

my adornments unseen

a slender chain round my heart,

dangling from it are very few charms,

chosen over time,

irreplaceable.

each extraordinary piece,

those so dear to my life!

filigree of purest gold...

damaged

but forged in the fire,

refined,

beautifully mended, fragile yet strong-fascinating!

priceless treasure,

my much-loved friends.

i've found that this life is just not worth living if you don't surround yourself with friends...because of you i am richer than i ever imagined!

this charm bracelet can be found at www.1928.com.

ttfn...

2010-06-21T22:24:00.002-04:00

i'm going to be gone for a few days. hubby and i are driving down to fort campbell, kentucky to scope the place out and see what neighborhoods we'd like to steer clear of!

i'm not exaggerating when i say to all of you that i have never felt so loved, and so cared for! the comments you've left on my blog have warmed my heart and i know that the deep concerns i have right now have been lessened by your earnest prayers and good wishes. thank you, truly, from the depths of my heart for your 'being there'...consider yourself (((HUGGED))) by one of the best huggers God ever created ;)

i'll be back on thursday so i'll try to check in that night. i still can't figure out why he said that i don't need to take my computer!

my shadow sunday offering...

2010-06-20T11:16:00.001-04:00

my balcony rail...you can still see Christmas lights hanging from it if you look closely...please don't ;)

my friday 55 offering...

2010-06-17T22:07:00.001-04:00

i'm desperate to hear from You...
embarrassed,
finding myself at death's door,
again.
yet, You are silent.
could i get your attention if i did cartwheels?
jumped through flaming hoops?
lost 20 pounds?
yes,
i trust You.
believe?
with all my heart!
frustrated
but conceding
when the silent reply i hear from You is
"wait"...

i don't have it in me to try and explain what is going on with me. all i can tell you is my heart is breaking as i'm faced with personal difficulties. i often wonder why it is that we don't see that our human dramas are universal...yet we feel totally alone when we are going through troubled waters.

g-man heads up an awesome challenge each friday, giving you 55 words to 'say it all'...go ahead, give it a try!

my wednesday shadowbox offering...a little early this time.

2010-06-15T22:41:00.004-04:00

i am going to be at fort campbell all day tomorrow, my hubby will be completing the second step of the hiring process as a gate guard there. thought i would try and get my post up before heading off to bed...

one. this is a little ceramic teapot that my friend rosemarie gave me many years ago. she and i met at church when we were stationed in goeppingen, germany, back in 1986, she being the very first german who i had become friends with. she and i are still close but i miss sharing the country of germany through her eyes!

two. a little train engine that was the toy surprise inside of a kinder egg, a chocolate delight that my kids loved.

three. a heart shaped out of a piece of multi colored pipe cleaner, most likely created by my daughter :)

four. a pin that i bought as a souvenir when we went to see the castle neuschwanstein, also known as the cinderella castle. the pin depicts the greatest 5 bucks i have ever spent...being taken to the top of the mountain in a horse drawn carriage instead of walking it!! the castle itself was fantastic, the furnishings fabulous!

and last but not the least is number five, a little precious moments bunny that my daughter had discarded as she grew out of toys...now safely tucked away in my shadowbox ;)

that's it for now...will check back in later to see what everyone else has been up to!

my microfiction monday offering...

2010-06-14T08:46:00.005-04:00

thanks for coming to my tea.
yes, that's banana bread,
it's my favorite recipe.
i'm so glad you like it,
but could you stop calling me jane?

my sunday 160 offering...

2010-06-12T23:09:00.008-04:00

a woman's corrections parking lot,
overcast and cool
yet i'm convinced
that even when the sun is beating down,
there is no warmth to be found
behind those walls.

my hubby had an interview at the corrections center last month and i tagged along, waiting in the car. the few minutes it took him seemed like an hour! the longer i sat there, it became evident to me that this place reeked of hopelessness...

c'mon, join in the fun and try a sunday 160 yourself! monkey man will tell you all about it if you'll look here.

my six word saturday offering...

2010-06-12T11:13:00.002-04:00

can we go to chinese today???

hubby has talked about it all week long but something always came up...will today be the day?

2010-06-11T21:26:00.002-04:00

...who am i kidding? as much as i would like to participate in the 55 flash fiction fridays i just can't dig deep enough to find anything fake to write about!! i'm hoping to head over to g-man's, rough him up a little and convince him that i should be given the special status of entering under the 'non fiction' amendment that i added to this challenge ;) hopefully you won't find him crying like a little girl in the bathroom, nursing the busted lip i gave him, ha!
with this being said, i give you the reason why i haven't spent much time in bloggerland this week, my 55 is titled "sheri tears her hair out"...

...setting up an game console with xbox live?
piece of cake!!
plug in,
power up,
won't connect.
router doesn't recognize it,
new IP address...
router dies.
replacement found-
ranting and raving through manuals...
it's two days later-
if you'll excuse me i have to leave now...
my wig is going to be fitted at 3pm ;)

if you'd like to play along then join the fun by heading to galen's blog, g-man-mrknowitall.blogspot.com and see how it's done!

my wednesday shadowbox offering...

2010-06-09T06:36:00.004-04:00

...good morning! i didn't sleep well last night :( my youngest grandson climbed into bed with me after he and i were awakened by a huge clap of thunder that seemed to be right there in the house with us!! he snuggled right up to me but after a few hours of my feeling like the center of an oreo cookie, this rich creamy center managed to get out of bed and head for the coffee pot!

one. this, of course, is snoopy :) he's been the love of my life for as long as i can remember...and as you can tell he is sweet on me, too, obviously a treasure i picked up on valentine's day :)

two. a decade ago i fell in love with the fragrance, incognito and here is a tiny bottle of it that my daughter gave me. i was curious as to why there was still some in it? seems i added this tiny replica to the shadowbox after i bought a full sized decanter.

three. every one's favorite, play dough!! i haven't played with this for a year or so but i still remember thinking that they didn't have such cool colors when i was a kid! and who can't recall the scent of play dough even now? let's not talk about the taste...

four. a raisin box that used to hold a child's delightful treat. i had thought of placing a quarter nearby the box just to give you an idea of small this is but the idea seemed tacky at the time...perhaps next week?

and lastly, a wrench that fits perfectly into one of the shadowbox's oddly shaped compartments. i don't recall where i even found this but if it's small, it's in trouble...it's now forever immortalized!

my "10 things that i love" offering...

2010-06-06T23:05:00.007-04:00

my crazy canadian friend, whom you can find on 'promiseorthreat' has recently tagged me and asked if i would participate in a game, sharing the ten things that i love the most. so, okay, here goes...

one. the absolutely first thing on my list would be the Lord Jesus Christ! i have been in a relationship with Him since september of 1985, when i received Him as my savior. to many of you this will just sound churchy but this isn't about church at all...it's about the One who saved me from my sins and restored my mind and my heart...He loved me when no one else would even come near me.

two is my grandchildren! the oldest and only girl is 15, three grandsons are 12, then there is a 6 and 5 year old. each one of them is unique in their personalities, and precious to me!

three are my kids! my son is 35, is married and lives in south carolina with his family. he served in the army for seven or eight years before deciding he had had enough, especially since he had been an army brat himself! he found work at an alcoa plant and has been there quite a long time. my daughter, single and 33, lives less than a mile away...she's the one who has recently moved and whether she knows it or not she'll be mentioned here more than she would like ;)

four is friends! i have the most marvelous friends, some that i've been with since the early 70's! some are my running buddies, others sit across the table from me and pour their guts out...and sadly, there are quite a few that i can only talk to via phone or facebook or blogger. i am so rich because of all of them!

my number five is collecting recipes! i mean, really, how many recipes can a person have for banana bread?? i usually try each one until i find one i can't live without and then it becomes my signature dish. i have given some thought to starting a recipe blog but i don't know if i have what it takes to maintain it? by the way, i could use some summer salad recipes if you want to share??

six is candy! and not just any old candy. it has to be chocolate with nuts and other junk in it, my favorite being milka bars from germany. i love black licorice, jelly beans and tootsie rolls and gummi bears. i have been known to eat hard candy but only if there isn't anything else in the house ;)

seven would have to be my camera. i am usually frustrated that what i see is impossible to capture on my little camera, ie., cloud formations. i don't know what it is about living in the ohio valley but the clouds are fantastic! love photographing my grands, the birds, and any other silly thing that captures my eye (see the photo below).

eight is a good cup of coffee. my favorite is getting the first cup from a freshly brewed pot or getting coffee in bed!

nine has to be quiet. i could be by myself for days and be just fine with it. i'm completely happy with the television and radio off, even though i enjoy both mediums. i just like my own company, i suppose.

and last but surely not the least is bloggerland! i have had so much fun on here...meeting so many people, each one having their own story to share. i find it fascinating that we are alike in so many ways but the 'whys and wherefores' of our lives cause us to be uniquely different. i have been a listener all of my life and was aching to have a platform where i could speak my heart and mind...i found it here! and this may be cheating but i'll have to add my computer to my number ten because without it i wouldn't be here!

so there you have it. not all that exciting but from where i sit it suits me just fine!

my sunday 160 offering...

2010-06-06T08:36:00.003-04:00

i love this early morning hour when no one but me is awake.
pouring myself a cup and drinking in the beauty of this life of mine...
trusting that You'll help me.

six word saturday offering...

2010-06-05T10:30:00.003-04:00

catching up on my blog reading!

have had to do some running with hubby the past few days and i'm all over blogland, seeing what i've missed!
hubby is looking into a gate guard position that's opening up in fort campbell, kentucky. mind you, he's been out of work since last september except for a few weeks with the census bureau...but moving?? he says we won't have to move but get an apartment there (3 hours away) and return 'home' on the weekends. this arrangement will last a year until he can accrue the needed experience/time then he can look for something on fort knox, a mere mile down the road from where i sit.
i say that it's a lot of money to spend for only a year, ie., having to furnish another place and live there while maintaining a home and utilities here. but, i want to stay open-hearted in case this might be the most exciting year of my life??
stay tuned because this blog seems to be the safest place to air my dirty laundry ;)

...AND THE WINNER IS...(my 55 is here, please be patient while the awards are being given out)...

2010-06-04T07:09:00.006-04:00

...missie, who you can find here! she was right on the money with her answer, congratulations, my friend! an honorable mention also goes out to the person who left the most answers, his antics somewhat reminding me of someone stuffing the ballot box! he didn't guess the correct answer but he wins a prize for elevating my blood pressure ;) and, that would be brian whom you can find here! my thanks to everyone for humoring me :) and playing along. i'll explain later how it ties in with my 55 on fridays, which can be found below...

ever wonder how it feels to be completely used?
sure, you keep coming back,
knowing exactly where to find me,
unwilling to live without me...
seemingly unaware that i'm diminished by your touch.
how i feel means nothing...
you'll eventually search for another to take my place...you've been that way all of your life.

...these are the laments heard from bars of irish spring, pitying themselves in bathrooms all around the world!
now you can see why this fit in so well with the photo i posted yesterday, my shower curtain liner sticking to the wall and leaving an eerie but remarkable impression!

what is it??????

2010-06-03T19:17:00.003-04:00

...a precursor to my 55 tomorrow :)

my wednesday shadowbox offering...

2010-06-02T06:51:00.007-04:00

the saga continues...for those of you who might have missed the big announcement earlier, my shadowbox was in desperate need of being dusted. i figured, why not take a few pieces of my miniatures out, wash them up, photograph them and then show them off...besides, it seemed like a good way to show you just how silly my life can be!

1. this is a liquor bottle, a brand called leib wachter. you can find these small bottles for sale almost anywhere in germany for a mark, the currency used in deutchland before the euros were introduced. i'm not too proud to say that i snatched this one off of the roadside, right after it was thrown there by someone who needed a little 'something' to get him through his morning! i was just tickled that it wasn't broken :)

2. this is an angel ornament that my friend sandy made for me years ago. she was always trying to get/keep her four daughters interested in crafting...

3. a tiny stoneware mug i purchased in germany...contrary to popular belief i actually paid for a few of my treasures ;) this piece has a boar on it, the beast being quite a celebrity over there!

4. just a few tiny seashells i picked up along the way. i spent many a summer with my grandparents on the oregon coast, loving every minute of the gypsy lifestyle they had adopted.

5. this is one of the oddest and coolest pieces i have! years ago our city was having major water leaks and they spent months going through every yard, using florescent paint to mark the 'guilty' spot where ever they found it...mine was in the middle of the back yard. no big deal, right? my assumption was very, very wrong!! the broken pipe in question was four feet down through ground that was as hard as cement. hubby dug for more than a week to find the problem, each day's work bringing hopes that the next shovelful of clay would be the last. he eventually found it and fixed the problem...but this rock that i found was the real treasure, looking exactly like a peanut! his shovel had hit it whilst digging and it had broken open, revealing this oddity.

two quick things before i finish up here. i've had so many wonderful comments on my header...this was one shot i didn't steal from the internet ;) this little fella captured my attention when i was checking the mail, growing out of a post nearby. i become fascinated with this plant surviving against all odds! it continues to grow, albeit slowly...the perfect photo for my life story ;)

and lastly, i was overwhelmed at the amount of comments that lavished praise over my magpie tale...you certainly made my day! i don't know about you but when i see a photo prompt i begin looking at it from a different perspective. i call it my 'scattergories mentality'. you see, when playing the game the object is to win, duh. but you can only rack up the needed points by coming up with an answer that differs from the rest of the entries. okay, now that i've given my strategy away i won't play the game with you but as long as the photo prompt can birth something in me then you'll see a magpie on my blog :)

anyways, the piece is fiction and i've never had rich neighbors since i spent most of my adult life following my soldier hubby around. i do know a bit about human nature, though, and i wrote it from a heart that knows full well that unchecked emotions are a killer!

my magpie offering...

2010-05-31T20:41:00.004-04:00

2:27pm.

i pour myself the last of the coffee and sit down at the kitchen table, taking a few minutes to relax before the kids are home from school. even with my feet up, my mind remains busy, moving quickly from mentally ticking off the chores i've completed to what-was-it-again-that-i-was-going-to prepare-for-supper??

a sudden movement catches my attention and i turn my head to see mrs. smith's late model escalade pull into her driveway, directly across from my perch. she jumps out, her newly highlighted hair catching the suns' rays at her every movement. she smiles as she opens the back door, waiting patiently as two of her 2.6 children fold their individual dvd screens up toward the roof. as they scurry onto the lawn, she moves to the other side of the cadillac, cooing to her toddler as she opens the door and begins to loose the child from the seat belt restraints. in one swoop she has transferred the little one to her hip and she begins to move towards the house, gathering the kids around her as she tries to corral them into the front door. i sat there at my table, disgusted by the beautiful scene.

i didn't always feel this way. when i first moved into my house several years ago i took great pleasure in watching this family unfold before me. my first recollection was the day they bought the house, excited young parents anticipating many good years in their new home. days later i watched as landscaping trucks brought hundreds of dollars worth of new plants to sink into the tired yard, and more rolls of sod than i could count.

months later it was new paint for their house and replacement windows. the following spring brought several trucks to their home as the new addition of a sun porch was being built. the family was always in the midst of every new job, kids screaming with glee as their parents tried to whoosh them out of the way, with little success! ah, the little ones...always dressed in the latest gap fashions, their hair always groomed. they were, in my estimation, the perfect family.

not that mine wasn't. my husband worked hard but his earnings did little more than to barely provide for us. my children were often growing out of the shoes i had just purchased, and their wardrobes were mostly cream of the crop, my salvation army finds...we drank kool aid and ate hot dogs more often than i will admit to! we always managed to get by but the smile on my face was beginning to fade, looking more like a forced effort rather than the spontaneous expression that once fit me. we were struggling, the months turning into years of lack...

the straw that broke my camel's back began early last summer. 'perfect family' had begun to dig in their back yard, making way for the new in ground pool...and a large wooden playground was planned to go behind it. and right on cue, mrs. perfect began to sport a tell tale baby bump. what should have been a happy moment left me seething! unbeknownst to me, i had allowed a seed of bitterness and jealousy to lodge in my spirit, its insidious tendrils choking off my gratitude and contentment. constantly seeing her and her wonderful life paraded before me was no longer a joy to watch but a sickening and syrupy kodak moment that was never ending.

pulling myself out of my pity and reflection, i walked to the front door when i heard the school bus approaching and thus, began to carry on with the afternoon ahead of me. fighting kids break through the silence, wanting to know what there was to eat, what homework had to be done, what they HAD to have for a project that is due tomorrow.

2:27am.

i'm sitting at my kitchen table. the pizza i ate for dinner was violently reminding me that i wasn't a teenager anymore, able to eat everything in sight and not paying a price for any of it! i don't bother to turn the light on. finding the tums is easy and i pop a couple into my mouth as i propel myself towards my chair, it's cushion conforming perfectly to my ample arse. as is my routine, i peer over to the smith's house, finding it completely dark, except for a very dim light i can see through the garage windows.

the beam in question moves methodically, back and forth and i fear that they may have a burglar. moving closer towards the window i notice the light suddenly turns off. i sit in silence, my heart beating loudly enough that i fear the intruder will be lulled over to my house by the rhythm! minutes pass but my gaze is not averted from the scene, wondering the whole time if i should call the smiths and alert them to the possibility that they are being violated?

my suspicions are stopped dead in their tracks as i both see and hear, a bright flash and a gunshot at the exact same time. oh...my...God! what has just happened? lights within the house begin to turn on, the decent from the second story towards the garage is apparent. i hear mr. smith's screams piercing the night, alerting neighbors around him that something is surely wrong. elderly folks in their bathrobes pad quickly towards all the noise, a large group now huddling around the garage entry door.

the local police respond quickly as does an ambulance, whose lights are turned off, sirens are mute. the smith children are spirited away, blankets covering their heads as caring adults shelter them from the crowd, the flashing lights. mrs. smith's hair, still beautiful with the new highlights, hangs from the gurney...covered in blood, swaying gently with each step that the ems team takes toward the ambulance.

i sat at my table in shock. the chaos and terror across the street didn't even rousing my sleeping family, my husbands gentle snoring being the only sound i hear except for the constant ticking of the kitchen clock. i buried my face in my trembling hands, deeply ashamed for the venomous opinions i had of her. never once did i wave to her or even bother to visit and introduce myself. all i had managed to do since she had moved in was to live on auto pilot, barely meeting my own family's needs because i was writhing within myself...poisoning my heart and mind by comparing myself to her and the 'perfect life' they could afford. waves of grief wash over me as i picture her husband and children, filled with questions that will never be answered...having sorrow than seems to have no bottom.

that's when it hit me like a ton of bricks. as much as i had coveted her beauty, her wealth, her luxury, i knew then that i was a fool. realizing that what i'd heard all of my life was true, that you can't really understand another person's experience until you've walked a mile in their shoes...

microfiction monday #33

2010-05-31T07:47:00.007-04:00

what is it with you? do you think i'm your personal maid? ridiculous! okay, deep breath, lets try again but remember- i said "sit" not sh*t!

please overlook my immaturity here but this photo prompt reminded me of a poster i had seen in my teens, too vulgar for my parents to buy for me at the time! join in the fun by going over to www.stonyriver.com for the details on how to participate in the weekly microfiction mondays.

my sunday 160 offering...

2010-05-30T06:28:00.006-04:00

i tell myself that it's fine,
yet i'm not convinced.
my once little fellas are now daring young men who are grandpa's right-hand men.
this still freaked me out!

this is a shot i took of my hubby and grandsons working on the roof of the house, a few weeks ago. we were missing a shingle and he was going to install a chimney protector while he was up there. both boys offered to help and i was a mess the whole time! a tumble from the rooftop doesn't seem like too big of a deal, and maybe it isn't if you are on the front of it. but our house is built on a hillside and a fall from the back is almost 3 stories down...quite a different 'story', indeed!

my six word saturday offering...

2010-05-29T07:40:00.007-04:00

oh, yeah! summer break starts today!!

while many of you are groaning at the thought of having the little ones underfoot all summer, i am tickled...it means that i get every night to myself! my grands usually come up to my house every night at 7:30pm when there is school the next day. it takes a while for quiet to be restored, around 10pm...a very long and full two and a half hours, believe me! they'll still be with me but from 4am till after lunch...gives us lots of time to go to the library programs and other local stuff...

friday 55 offering...

2010-05-28T05:05:00.005-04:00

huge brown eyes beneath a brunette mop, grandma's little man. bites hard on his lip, eyebrows tightly knit, his focus intense, he battles unseen dragons, bad guys, and monsters. his sword swings dangerously- he is brave and fierce, kind and pure, rescuer of damsels in distress. my little man, a legend in his own mind!

my wednesday shadowbox offering...

2010-05-26T08:48:00.007-04:00

1. these are a few more of my darling hedgehogs, a gift from my friend deborah. she and i met when we were both in processing into fort polk, louisiana. hubby and i were just returning from germany, she was newly married to a fella who had rejoined the army. seems like only yesterday to me but it was 1981!

2. i believe this is marie, the middle kitty-daughter of duchess, the star of the animated disney feature, the aristocats.

3. this is a wooden nativity that i bought during our first tour of germany. they have an awesome Christmas market every year in nurenburg, not to be missed! it was unlike anything i have ever experienced! the town square was filled with rows of wooden booths topped with red and white striped roofs...the crowds were so thick that you literally had to fight to get into and out of the steady stream if you wanted a closer look at what the booths had to offer! you're welcomed to go here if you'd like a closer look ;)

4. and lastly, a stoneware jug that i purchased as a souvenir when i visited the shaker village, in pleasant hill, kentucky as few years back. it was a fascinating place but honestly, it gave me the creeps just being there...

2010-05-25T11:38:00.007-04:00

single white female, 33, 5' 11", 140 pounds.
four lazy children, ages 6-15.
hard worker, strong character, savagely protective.
quiet, fiercely loyal, dependable.
laughs easily, has a quick wit, and wonderfully sarcastic!
never been married but burned several times to the point of being suspicious.

if interested, you can call her at ***-***-**** during her free time, 7:30-7:36pm, est.
freeloaders, alcoholics, druggies, child molesters, mama's boys and homosexuals NEED NOT RESPOND!
(must be willing to move furniture, if required.)

if there is no answer, contact sheri at ***-***-**** and i'll be sure to set you up with an appointment! did i mention she is a great cook? this is a sample of a flyer i'm putting together. will tack it to anything that stands still long enough because i don't see another move in my future ;) whatcha think??

notice my new header???

2010-05-24T08:12:00.015-04:00

i couldn't help but to post the newest photo of my little plant that IS thriving, not merely surviving ;) it looks a little beat up though, sort of how i look, thanks to my daughters move! i have a myriad of bruises ranging from purplish black to a sickly greenish and yellow...my trophies for a job that was well done. i'm supposing that my back will recover, as well? in case i haven't mentioned it before, i HATE moving, despise even the thought of it but i knew my number had come up and i was the chosen one. for 5 days we fought our way out of her trailers front door and over the porch rail into the gaping mouth of my faithful old truck's bed, fitting box after box into it like some crazy jigsaw puzzle! only this one didn't come in a nice new package ;) and because each truckload held mounds of personal stuff jutting dangerously about, i chose to stealthily drive all the back roads every trip i took, in case there was a constable lurking about. once we arrived at the house there was more fun in store since every item needing to be placed in a proximity of where it should be, ie., toothbrushes don't do anyone any good if they're hiding in the living room! her new house is piled high with boxes but at least it's clean. the truck bed emptied, we take a breather and return for another load, groan. and yes, this 5 day move finally comes to an end and i leave the family to clean up the trailer all by themselves. i feel somewhat guilty for not volunteering to stay and help but she didn't ask, i didn't offer! what i did do was to go home and put the finishing touches on a huge pan of bagoki served over a bed of jasmine rice (which she loves), and some korean spinich...their first meal in a new home! she and i used to make it a habit to meet for lunch at least once a month and we would usually enjoy asian cuisine but that doesn't happen very often since hubby has been semi-unemployed, i'm realizing now what a bad choice it was to put her 'on hold'. the dinner brings tears to her eyes and we embrace...exhausted but our friendship renewed, having gone through and survived this latest battle...together!

my microfiction monday offering...

2010-05-23T11:16:00.006-04:00

did you hear that? did i hear what? THAT! THAT? yes THAT! is that you? how ridiculous, it wasn't me! then who? it's ed, he's snoring again! keep in mind that these monks have taken a vow of silence...

so, so tired...

2010-05-21T22:26:00.008-04:00

i am so, so tired. i have been helping my daughter move and all i have to offer is my exhaustion!

she is a single mom with four kids and she has been living in a small double wide mobile home for seven years. to say that the place was cramped is surely an understatement! she had looked for ways to get out but none were places she could afford so she stayed put...hating every minute of it.

until one day last week. her landlord offered her a house that had recently been vacated and she jumped on it! it's a lovely home in a nice neighborhood, everything she had hoped for. there was only one catch, yeah, i know you know where i'm going with this...THE MOVE. so far, she and i have been the only members of the moving company, that is, unless you are going to count three of her children, who happen to be lazy. they are the greatest kids in the world but they have a dreaded fear of breaking a sweat, getting dirty or being seen by cool kids.

i wish i could have used that excuse when it was my job to replace the toilet seat! oh, that was fun. the plastic wing nut would not be moved from the bolt. no amount of wd40, heat or blood-sweat-tears would get that sucker to budge. ok...i'm not only very hot and exhausted but now i find myself contorting every which way on a bathroom floor that i don't imagine to be very clean. 45 minutes later the 'answer' drops into me like a coin in a bank and i send my daughter for the hacksaw! in less than 5 minutes i had won the woman vs. loo challenge! final score, sheri-1, tidy bowl man-0.

before i forget, i wanted to say thanks to everyone who commented on my mustang 55...you guys crack me up and i'm having the time of my life! have a great weekend!

my friday 55 offering...

2010-05-20T22:16:00.011-04:00

her heart racing, fingers crossed, grandma makes her move! barely escaping- but her plan is flawlessly executed... relieved and elated she slips behind the wheel and speeds away! windows down, silver mane in tangled strands, steve perrys' vocals sublime! back home they'll search frantically, fearing the worst... knowing that mustang fever has claimed another life!

hubby bought an '02 mustang last year, his dream come true, me-not so much. it's uncomfortable and hard to get in and out of BUT i sure look good driving it ;)

welcome back to my wednesday offering...

2010-05-19T05:42:00.006-04:00

1. this is a small replica of the bell worn around the necks of cows who live in germany :) obviously it's not your everyday bling but rather used for celebrations, and such.

2. this little golden colored pitcher and bowl was given to me by a star struck young man some 36 years ago. it was a charm that avon sold but has long since lost its ability to hang from anything except my heart! oh no...i just realized something...THIS was perhaps my first clue as to his obsession with jewelry ;)

3. this little fella is perhaps one of the newest additions to my shadowbox, a coca cola bear who became grounded forever once i got my hands on him!

4. this lovely shell brooch was a gift from my grandma. she pulled some strings during her first and only trip to israel, changing her itinerary so that she could swing by germany and see us before returning to the states. it was our first tour there, both frightening and fascinating, but made better yet by the few days she spent with us!

5. and lastly, my first visit to the kentucky state fair, commemorated with this little lapel button. i love, love, LOVE the fair! i never take more than $20 and my camera but i can spend the whole day completely satisfied with all of the sights and sounds! you'll usually find me admiring quilts, and art, and cake decorating, and fish tanks, and photograph, and wood carving...rarely venturing over to the livestock barn where you've really got to watch your step!

where to start?

2010-05-17T22:18:00.005-04:00

let's see...i'm not angry because i know that this makes total sense to him. i'm not fearful because the bills are paid and we aren't going without a thing we need. maybe i'm just jealous? yeah, it's probably jealousy...

i am married to an unusual man. for instance, he is unemployed (although he is working part time with the census bureau until june) but he just spent 1800.00 on a diamond ring, purchasing it from a jewelry network. who in the world knows how he stumbled across a channel that offers jewelry 24/7, but he did! he first asked me if i wanted it but i told him no, that it was 'too much' of a ring to wear with jeans, t's and rubber clogs ;) the discount was obviously too much for him to handle and he ran to his computer with his credit card in hand, charging his life away!

this wasn't his first time...he's bought a few purchases of late...a little here, a little there, making HUGE mistakes by choosing pieces for me that were the wrong size and choosing pieces that i would never wear, never even thinking to turn around and ask me, especially since i was sitting right behind him each and every time! but, oh no, he was mesmerized and lured towards that magic 'buy now' button. he even got stuck with a 170.00 necklace that he was bidding on, out to prove his bidding savvy to the other person who was also interested. and you guessed it...the time ran out and he won the bid...AND another piece of jewelry that he stuck in his nightstand.

perhaps what bothers me the most is that WE are in this unemployment together but i don't seem to be a consideration when he is in his wheelin' and dealin' mode. and now, he has jumped on this huge ring that 'they' say is worth 4000.00 and he believes he's purchased at such a steal. i believe it's in his nature to often look for something he can buy cheap and turn over for a profit but i have yet to see that actually happen in any venture he has undertaken.

this post reminds me of something i have to come clean on. if any of you read my friday fiction 55 last week, i honestly need to retract it because it wasn't fiction...it was me...as if you hadn't figured that one out yet ;)

i have a confession to make...

2010-05-16T22:55:00.015-04:00

i have been swept away by this wonderful world of blog challenges, loving every minute of it! i've spent many sleepless nights, trying to put together a 55 that might thrill you. i've driven like a maniac in search of shadows, nearly running over many innocent pedestrians in my panic. condensed many thoughts to try and get them into a 160 format. waking up at 4am and getting up so that i could post early enough to be one of the first on 'the list'. can you see a storm brewing in the land of ocd???

in all of this excitement i have given up something so dear to me, my quiet times with the Lord. the one thing that i have needed most has been pushed aside, all the while i'm trying to convince Him that i'm having so much fun, inwardly asking Him to overlook the obsession i have to being on my blog.

this wonderful madness started a month ago. i'd been blogging for more than a year but using my post to renew a friendship with a dear friend i have known since high school. but around easter she went quiet and i started to look around in this big world of blog, fascinated by the talent of peoples from all over the world! i started to follow many of them and found, much to my amazement, that folks were following me! wow, talk about a thrill!!! i was hooked in a matter of days and i never looked back, enjoying every single moment!!

what i'm trying to say here is that i'm not going to participate in all the challenges i enjoy so much but instead, get back to the roots of who i am, saying what i want, when i want. you're still going to see me post a 55, a 160, etc. but it's going to be when i'd like to do it, not feeling a pressure to perform.

this might not appear to be a good thing if you're looking to be entertained by me, but believe me, i'm just not that talented ;) what i WILL give you is the real me...the quirky, ridiculous, sarcastic and totally-in-love-with-this-life-person! you're going to hear me brag on my grands, lament over my kids, gripe about my husband but somehow keep a smile on my face and a song in my heart! i'm still going to post every day that i can, offering up what is going on in my life, ending tonight with this beautiful quote...

"This above all: to thine own self be true!" amen.

my sunday 160 offering...

2010-05-16T07:07:00.008-04:00

uh oh. heart sinks, flashing red lights in my rear view. i was going 74 in a 55? why me, i mutter to myself as i begin to fume. i scream, with a cherry on top!
hubby and i were out one day and talking about that silly ditty, the ice cream one? for those of you who aren't familiar with it then let me share it with you...
ice cream, you scream, we all scream, for ice cream!
and in my world, a post was born ;)

my six word saturday offering...

2010-05-15T06:09:00.004-04:00

i love being the first up!!!!

my 55 offering...

2010-05-13T22:29:00.009-04:00

sixteen, pregnant she stands at the alter vowing covenant promises, "till death do you part." she agrees whole heartily, having no idea how often she'll die yet still be breathing. how could she have known? nothing is cut and dried. it's ebb and flow, give and take, love and respect- dynamics so difficult to grasp!

wonderful wednesdays offering...

2010-05-12T04:33:00.008-04:00

1. my first offering this week is a beautiful little fairy, made of rubber so that she is very flexible and cleans up nicely...this was me before i fell off of my key chain.
2. next is my little rock man, whose name is wilfred. it is an unwritten law that when you visit the oregon coast, you have to purchase rock people for souvenirs. you can also buy t-shirts or glasses but do not forget your rock person! you will be checked at the customs border so don't say that i didn't warn you!
3. this is a brooch that my grandpa bought as a gift for my grandma when he was in greece during world war II. this is one of the precious things that have survived both of them...when i hold it in my hands it's comforting to know that both of them have held it.
4. this is a snowman, of course. i have had an addiction to collecting them for many years, but i'm better now, thanks for asking ;) snowman are such a delight to those of us who can appreciate a decoration that you can display from thanksgiving weekend to the end of january! any dust that accumulates on them can be explained away as a late snow :)
5. and last, but certainly not the least, is my dragonfly. yes, it is real, no, it is not alive. i found him in my garden one day, he was deceased and under attack from a local ant brigade so i spirited him inside. *note* there were no insects harmed in the filming of this photo!
and there you have it, the third leg of my grand tour. hope to see you back here next week, same-bat-time, same-bat-channel. (for those of you who missed out on the original batman, i feel for you...you'll have to ask your parents what this means).

tuesday, may something or other...

2010-05-11T08:58:00.004-04:00

just sitting here enjoying my second cup of coffee...giving you a glimpse of what i see when i'm sitting here at my computer. from here you don't see the myriad of cables coming into the house. you don't see the herb beds that need to be weeded. don't see the left side of the fence that was damaged so badly during last years ice storm. you can only see what i see, the trees waving in the distance, these beautiful shades of spring green! the car that i love to drive...it's uncomfortable as all get out BUT it has a boomin' cd player and air that is frigid! besides, i just look good driving it ;)

grands have left for school, hubby is fed and he's watching tv, weather is cool and brisk this morning. better get busy and see what bloggerland is up to...you know where you can find me :)

2010-05-10T07:58:00.001-04:00

help! if anyone can help me post using some spaces between paragraphs i would appreciate it! my one continuous line is killing my eyes, sorry if it causes you any pain today :(

my magpie tales offering...

2010-05-10T06:43:00.006-04:00

the school auditorium was filled that evening with peoples from every walk of life, a good representation of this small southern town. scanning the room you could find groups of elderly folks arguing amongst themselves about the weather or whose hog would take first place at the county fair the following month. some who were deemed more devout had their heads bowed, in earnest prayer. others sat stoically, their arms crossed, lips firmly pressed together. children were scattered all over the building, most were subdued by parents who were constantly trying to instill good manners into them, teaching them generations-old protocols for behaving oneself in public places. the little town of elmer hadn't changed much since it had been established a little over 153 years ago now. still had its quaint tree lined streets with grand houses planted a few yards from the street, lovely homes that boasted huge wrap around porches just perfect for an evening checker game after supper dishes were done. there was still only one supermarket in town. out-of-towners had come in and tried their hand at getting a corner of the market but had failed miserably because folks loyalties would never change. not that this little town was stodgy in any way. folks just liked things simple...their grocery shopping, their diners, their houses of worship...just as their fathers had, and their fathers before them. no one in the room actually seemed worried about the upcoming vote they were being asked to take, although the consensus was that this was a ridiculous waste of time. for as long as anyone could remember this event had been held each year, an age old question set before them...wet or dry? a ludicrous offer, since nobody had ever wanted anything more than to live in a town free from the evils of alcohol. after casting their ballots, the crowd returned to their animated conversations, their naps, and fish stories while the town clerk sat quietly before them at the front of the room. some watched as he unfolded each piece of paper, carefully recording its content onto a sheet of yellow lined paper attached to his clipboard. he would lift his head and occasionally glance out at the folks, seemingly distracted by the children who were tired of waiting. 48 minutes later, the clerk looks toward the clock at the back of the room, rises from his seat and clears his throat. a quiet gesture but it alerts everyone in the room that the time has come for the tally to be announced. with clear dismay the clerk tells the crowd that a shocking turn of events has happened this year, that someone has actually voted with a 'yes'. a shock is distributed through the crowd, jaws drop in disbelief followed by anger and disgust! they wonder who, in their right mind, would ever consider bringing such destruction upon their pristine town, an assault against their foundational beliefs? heads begin to turn, piercing eyes searching into the souls of their neighbors, looking for a sign of admission in every person there. heavy seconds of condemnation finally cause one little old fella to stand to his feet, his position immediately alluding to his guilt. having the attention of everyone seated, parson eddie, a humble man who only moments before had earned the love and respect of everyone in town, quickly became the most despised man in elmers' history. the room was so quiet that you could have heard a coin drop into the sunday morning offering bag, the air heavy with anticipation. the spotlight was now on reverand eddie as everyone waited to hear his confession. fidgeting nervously from side-to-side and trying not to let his eyes meet any ones glares, his only words were an obvious statement..."i, um, uh, oh dear...that would be my aye". *groan*

my sunday 160/ shadow shot sunday offerings..

2010-05-08T23:13:00.005-04:00

not hubby, kids, or grands- not even the one who melts my heart like wax,

i'll never tell, can't ever share. it's my secret alone, my chocolate candy stash!

okay, my youngest grandson recently found me out and i gave him a piece but swore him to secrecy...guess i better get busy and find myself another location, eh?

and this is my shadow shot for this week...

you can't imagine what my life has been reduced to ever since i started to pay attention to shadows! i have to take my camera with me everywhere, just in case!

this shot was purely by coincidence. i had sat down for a few minutes with a glass of water and when i got up a few minutes later i barely caught this shadow/prism thing out of the corner of my eye, and ran for my camera before the image could change. i know, it takes so little to amuse me...i know the truth when i see it ;)

have a great day and don't forget to call your moms ;)

for all the curious, a visual for my six word saturday

2010-05-08T10:30:00.005-04:00

happy now???? ;)

six word saturday

2010-05-08T08:12:00.003-04:00

hair cut- feels odd, looks great!!!

55

2010-05-06T22:47:00.003-04:00

2:37 am. she's awake, rhythmic breathing proves he isn't. desire and pleasure race through her mind, filling every sense. she escapes their bed slowly, treading lightly, creaking floors threaten to betray her flight! overwhelming passion leads her away... guilty. ashamed, door closes behind her. finally alone, opens the jar of nutella she bought that morning ;) confessions of a chocoholic...

oops! almost missed my own post !!

2010-05-05T13:26:00.004-04:00

today's offering are as follows... 1. this is a syrup bottle from ye olde cracker barrel. i've only eaten there a few times but the food and atmosphere are memorable...hard not to love all-you-can-eat-HOT-cornbread ;) 2. this adorable little creature is wormie, a little clay figure that you are supposed to stick into the dirt of a houseplant, to measure its need for water...i just like him in my shadowbox better. 3. these pink and blue plastic treasure chests are what i use when one of the grands have lost a tooth. the rule is, if it doesn't go in the box and under your pillow the first night that you lose it, it's just possible the tooth fairy will forget to stop by :) 4. this is an umbrella that went into the very first daiquiri i ever had, first and last i guess because i don't even remember what it tasted like anymore :) 5. and lastly, another hedgehog. this little gal was given to me by my daughter on mothers day, many, many moons ago. her dress has lost its elasticity but her charm still captivates me! by the way, did anyone see the adorable little hedgehop photo that bing used as its pic of the day??

could you, would you?

2010-05-04T05:20:00.001-04:00

this is my granddaughter bryce, the apple of my eye ;) i recently convinced her that looking into a blog might be a good thing and she's just finished, posting something on it last night.

would a few of you mind going by there and saying hello to her? i'm anxious to visit as well...i know she has a lot to say, but doesn't always have an audience who will listen when she wants to share her heart...

http://BryceMoriah95.blogspot.com

many thanks to all of you! now if you'll excuse me i have some magpie tales to read :)

160 sunday/shadow shot sunday...

2010-05-02T07:12:00.005-04:00

i wonder to myself just how many times he's watched this NCIS rerun? is it 10?

being the good woman that i am, i'll suffer through this: mark harmon-alicious!

follow monkey man's link to participate in the sunday 160, giving yourself 160 characters, to include spaces, to share yourself!

my submission for this weeks shadow shot sunday couldn't be anymore perfect because it set my magpie tale up just the way i had hoped it would! magpie tale number twelve can be found below this post...thanks so much for coming by today ;)

magpie tale, number twelve...

2010-05-01T21:10:00.011-04:00

sitting on her bed she rereads the note. its presence being reduced to nothing more than a worn shred of crumpled notebook paper, now carefully opened and smoothed out before her. it read:

dear amy,

i don't exactly know how to tell you this but i'm your best friend and besties watch out for each other, right? i mean, you wouldn't hold anything back from me, would you? well, i hope not. i'm just going to tell you, ok? i was at mcdonalds yesterday, the one over by the mall, not the one in town, and i saw kevin. i was going to go over and say hi to him but i saw that he was sitting with a girl and his eyes were all over her! i think it was evelyn, you remember her, don't cha? she's the girl with the big boobs in our fourth period class. anyway, i'm not totally sure but i think he was drooling, taking every chance he could to look down her blouse- not that it was that hard for him since the skank always wants to show those huge things off to everyone!

i don't know what the h*ll is wrong with that moron! you two have been going out for two months now- you're practically married and everyone at school knows it!

anyways, i didn't want you to hear it from anyone else before i had the chance to tell you. i hope you don't hate me? promise me you'll call me if you plan on killing him and i'll be right over to help!

bff xoxoxox ruthie

it was nearly dark now, the well of amys' tears has finally dried up. this was the fourteenth time she'd read the note that ruthie had given her that morning in first period. her all-day sorrow was beginning to take its charted course into a slow burning anger now. getting up from the bed, whose sheets were stained with tears, she finds her way to the dresser.

looking into her mirror she can't help but wonder how he had stayed with her for as long as he had. after all, she had a zit on her chin and her bangs would never lay the way she wanted them to. and her boobs certainly weren't going to be in the guinness book of records anytime soon. dropping her head in disgust over her reflection, her eyes rest upon a beautiful globe, hand-blown, a gift from kevin that he'd given to her when he'd returned home from a weeks visit with his grandparents. she recalled that the week without him seemed as if it would never end...she had spent every moment of it writing his name, over and over, on anything she could get her hands on!

looking back on it, she shouldn't have done it, wishing now that she hadn't but it was too late to change her mind. the once-perfect sphere was now scattered into a million tiny shards, smashing first into the wall before its contents ended up on the floor. the tiny fish, once held within its suspended grasp was now seemingly gasping for its last breaths, just as she was.

frozen in time, she founds herself unable to turn away from the scene, the defining moment when their love ended. the only sound that could be heard was her mothers voice yelling up to her from the kitchen.."what the h*ll are you doing up there?"

"nothing," she replies from her retching and broken heart, this monumental teenage trauma forever shaping who she is and how she will always see herself.

my six word saturday offering...

2010-05-01T06:19:00.006-04:00

"torrential precipitation threatens derby day washout"

today is the 136th running of the kentucky derby, first leg in the triple crown races, followed by the preakness and belmont stakes.

2010-04-30T04:23:00.003-04:00

chubby little girl alone, center stage shaking hands clutch her offerings... knowing her performance isn't perfect fully expecting she'll fail- they'll taunt! but spotlights reveal another scenario- there is no judgement! she's amazed, astonished, humbled, delighted- her 55 seconds of fame, this rosebud begins to bloom! feet shuffling, self-conscious, she tries not to pee. merci beau coup, my friend

wonderful wednesday...

2010-04-28T09:02:00.007-04:00

another beautiful morning, another compartment in my shadowbox...

a. this is obviously a skillet, one i pilfered from a country store before my conscience registered guilt as being a healthy aspect of one's life...

b. a lovely, shiny blue stone that one of my kids found and brought to me, most likely from an aquarium that someone had dumped!

c. one of my most prized possessions- a wiener whistle! i'm curious as to how many of you remember (or even know) the oscar mayer theme song? I STILL DO, along with the boys scouts song, and everything in between! ever wonder how that can be...that i can still recall every word of the jetsons' theme song but forget my PIN number??? go figure...

d. a plastic ballerina who had her moment in the spotlight atop my daughters' birthday cake, 25 years ago.

e. and lastly, a polly pocket brush that i probably rescued from the jaws of kirby, my vacuum cleaner :) nowadays i don't always take the time to bend over and look closely before sucking small items into oblivion...that's my story and i'm sticking to it ;)

magpie tale...

2010-04-26T20:48:00.006-04:00

he walked through my door one day, a delicious slice of 'help yourself'. he was at the beginning of a long earned vacation and the days that lay before them were exciting, almost intoxicating! they shared breakfasts in bed with nothing to eat, hours of cuddling on the couch. a brand new chapter in their lives was unfurling before them, an Aladdin's' carpet, they enjoyed a spontaneity they had never before experienced. watching andy griffith reruns, laughing like little children, sipping cold beers, loving like seasoned old friends. thinking the days would never end. in a sense, they didn't because the days continued to mount, but that much-needed break from his monotony began to last too long, and the leisurely time no longer tasted as sweet to him as it once had. it took longer to chew a once savory morsel and even then it didn't appear to sit on his stomach that well. you'd find him not listening to her song of desire, choosing to be entertained by the televisions' constant chatter, tv always on, television that he wasn't even watching. his responses to her were at first disheartening. her acrobatics less and less interesting, even her cooking not satisfying whateverit was that ailed him deep within. as difficult as it was to get his attention, harder yet, that even the smallest of her requests were answered only by his grunts, its meaning unclear. his nails grew too long, his hygiene in question, yet she loved him with all of her heart. praying that she could somehow be used to bring joy back into his life... but it never happened as she had hope. she could only sit nervously by, watching the air slowly leak from his life. the hours of play, the days of passion, had dragged into months,of desolation, his isolation. occasionally smiling at one another but his forced grin came from an empty shell of a man, once virile, now sensing he'd been discarded. and as easily as he'd come in, he walked out of my door, holding tightly onto a cane he'd purchased but never used until now. a small spring in his step, almost unnoticable step, except by a seasoned lover. my husband has been laid off since last september, a time in our lives both precious and difficult! but tomorrow he'll leave at 7:30am and begin classes on becoming a census taker! not what he wanted but it will put food on the table. so, promise me, if you didn't send your census in, to be nice to those who knock on your door :)

2010-04-26T16:14:00.002-04:00

today is the kind of day that makes you wish you didn't have to get dressed and run out the door, hoping to get all the errands on your list checked off. no, today is a 50 something degree day, overcast and windy. the stay-in-your-sweats-all-day kind of day. with a cappuchino, caramel flavored. and watching a movie you've wanted to see for forever, precious or something thought provoking like that one might be, sitting in the recliner, kicked back, ignoring the ringing phone.

shadow sunday

2010-04-25T08:41:00.007-04:00

i actually had another photo to post today but my grandson, sitting behind me playing xbox, asked me to turn around so i could see this shadow, on the door behind him...it seems he and i both love these fleeting images! MY SUNDAY 160 CAN BE FOUND BELOW...

sunday 160

2010-04-25T07:40:00.003-04:00

shrieks of joy children at play, afternoons spent at the park. innocent energy oh to be young again! who am i kidding? my place on this bench is just fine! all this week the song "what a wonderful world" was going through my head and then, seeing my grandkids at play...these are the things that birthed my 160 offering. indeed, what a wonderful world!

my 6 word saturday offering...

2010-04-24T04:52:00.000-04:00

please be patient, i've got issues!

my 55

2010-04-22T22:43:00.003-04:00

HIS birthday rolls around...hmmmm... (she harbors a bad taste in her mouth as she recalls the sad memories of april 11th, HER birthday). her immaturity says ignore him, her heart says no. a chinese lunch and a much loved cake from wally world, 55 candles aflame! she holds no grudges, she's the bigger man ;)

my first wee wednesday offering...

2010-04-21T10:39:00.016-04:00

as much as i want to, i'm having to admit that i just don't have it in me at this point to try and come up with one more idea for a three word wednesday :) not that i've ever done one, i'm just saying ;) i was looking at my shadowboxes one day, filled with treasures from my yesterdays, each tiny memory covered in a thick layer of dust! looks like it's time to begin my yearly cleaning? but as i do, i'm going to post photos of the ones that especially mean something to me and i'll even tell you why that is :) sounds incredibly exciting, right? not really, but it's a chance to take you even deeper into my world...and i can't wait! this piece is a wax figure, a mama hedgehog and her baby hitching a ride. the smaller one came separate because of the lack of room i had to display them. i had placed the baby on moms back...time and neglect has melded them together and i left them that way. a friend gave these to me when we were stationed in germany, back in 1983. i fell in love with hedgehogs while living there- it seems to be one of their favorite animals to craft, paint and carve, wax being a popular medium in the land of beer and brats! i've even included a shot of the sticker on the bottom of it, just in case you're ever in germany and you just 'have' to have one of your very own :) i was just thinking of how cool it is that something so small can make me so happy!

magpie tales

2010-04-20T00:49:00.007-04:00

who could have ever imagined that his gallant life would end like this? her heart swells with pride as she recalled the moment he had swept her off of her feet, just a few short years after she had been humiliated, rejected, and abandoned by her husband. this is the man who had taken her two children in, willing to protect and love this young family as if it were his very own. she sees him in her minds eye sitting across from her in their boat...casting quiet 'whammys' on his line in hopes that he'll catch the biggest fish that day. visions of him in his recliner bring a slight smile to her face...she can still hear the rustling of his daily paper as he searches for andy capp. always dressed in flannel shirts, pendeltons, that had the scent of freshly cut lumber embedded in the threads...from his many years of working in the mills. her heart breaks as she realizes that his life, their lives, have passed by too quickly! the warmth and joy of those yesterdays has suddenly come to a end. gone are the lakes and days of great fish stories, the good night snuggles as they drift off to sleep. unwillingly they've traded those precious moments for these. all that remains is a cold and sterile room, one that holds little privacy for these once young lovers. she sits with her hands in her lap, tightly gripping his pocket watch as if she could squeeze out of it just a few moments more with him. tubes now feed him. oxygen is forced into the lungs that will no longer function, and his life is quickly coming to its end. she sits quietly at his bedside, her eyes rimmed in crimson from the tears that are willed to hold themselves back.

i love this life...

2010-04-19T09:36:00.015-04:00

this morning was no different than any other but somehow i sensed a deeper gratitude within me for my 'normal'. i have sooooo much going on everyday thanks to my real life, the one i live in on the other side of this computer screen ;) here's just a few moments of it...i'm a grandmother of six grands, four of which spend school nights with me because their mom has to be to work at 4am everyday. this means i'm the one who has to get them all up and going each morning...and how much fun that can be! brycie girl, is my 15 year old granddaughter. she's the one who wants to stay up all night but 'has' to be up about 6am to get ready for school. regardless of how many times i go into her room she will continue to stay in bed for as long as possible and then leave the house in a whirlwind, blaming me for her lack of having enough time...you gotta love teenagers! the next is my first born of the 12 year old twins, daniel-san, which is a nickname, of course. this kid is so easy going, the only thing that riles him is jon, his twin. he goes to bed easily but i'll often catch him reading the sunday funnies or garfield by nightlight because he couldn't fall asleep! no matter what, he's the first up, first to be dressed and first to have his bathroom chores done. this is jon, second born twin of dan/jon duo. THIS is one fella who loves his sleep! he is always making me promise that i'll wake him up first, so that he can get ready quickly and be the first one on the xbox360! he is also the fella who doesn't believe me when i tell him that i DID try, numerous times but to no avail :) and lastly is six year old ayden, whom i lovingly refer to as 'farf'. he's the guy who will fight me to the death on having to go to bed but will sleep like a log, nearly impossible to get up! when i finally do drag him out of bed he will quickly convert to climbing in my lap and cuddling until he literally HAS to get ready for school! this fella is highly competitive thanks to being brought up in a gaming family...always having to prove he's not a baby. he and i leave 10 minutes before anyone else, just so that he can be first at the bus stop! after giving all the kids at our stop a bad time, i watch them board mr. clints' big yellow bus, me-waving good bye and blowing kisses! my grandsons think i'm an idiot for doing so but i love to see all the little kids smiling at me through the windows, knowing it's for their entertainment as well as for my grandsons! a few minutes later i am pouring my first cup of coffee, enjoying a couple of minutes of quiet whilst surveying the damage left by the kids. thoughts of what to fix for dinner. loving the wonderfully cool mornings and beautiful days. watching cardinals and nuthatches just outside of my window, munching on seeds. monday morning housecleaning having to be done...and realizing that i am one of the richest people i know...and i don't mean money :)

shadow shot sunday

2010-04-18T00:18:00.006-04:00

and yes, those ARE Christmas lights hanging off of the rails, what can i say??? :)

sunday 160

2010-04-18T00:02:00.003-04:00

sittin on the porch sippin sweet tea. barely audible, but i perk up as it nears. the child within runs to the tracks edge, waving unashamedly, sassy, complete. the sunday 160 are a lot of fun but challenging. follow my link to visit monkey man to see how its done!

six word saturday...

2010-04-17T00:32:00.003-04:00

viagra scares him, she slowly dies...

friday- 55

2010-04-15T16:57:00.005-04:00

it's your birthday? i lost track... i suppose you want me to take you out for chinese? no. i want you to hold my face in your hands look into my eyes and kiss me. deeply sincerely, as if you were in love with me... not just married to me. am i asking too much?

shadow shot sunday...my first one

2010-04-11T14:07:00.003-04:00

my backyard...this was taken from the balcony

my first ever 55...

2010-04-10T10:19:00.002-04:00

5 pm she smiles. the kettle simmers, the table set. hi baby, how was work? disapproving eyes give away his heart. what did you do all day? he barely notices his words slap her face. hard. nowadays he sits on the couch for hours, remote in hand and whines, don't you ever sit down? unemployment.